


My First & Last

by junguws



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28839954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junguws/pseuds/junguws
Summary: You’ve never fallen in love; you really wanted to but it felt like you’ve never met the right person to fall in love with. After learning that you have just a little more than a year to live, you turn ‘falling in love’ a mission. Your college’s head editor for the newspaper hears this and tells their best writer, Johnny to write an article about you and your so called mission. You only accept in one condition: Johnny would help you fall in love.Originally posted on tumblr @leesmrk
Relationships: Johnny / Reader, Johnny Suh / Reader, Johnny x reader, Jung Jaehyun / Reader, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Reader, Kim Jungwoo (NCT)/Reader, NCT Johnny x Reader, Nakamoto Yuta/Reader, Suh Youngho | Johnny/Reader, jaehyun x reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	My First & Last

Early March

The weather was getting warmer as the days passed. All you wanted to do was take a long walk in the park with your dog and camera by your side, taking pictures of every single detail you saw. The park amazed you. It amazed you with the way how children played around, how dogs chased a simple ball, how the ducks and swans were in their own world and how couples who were in love walked around hand in hand.

Ugh love.

You didn’t have anything against love; it was just, love made you jealous because you’ve never fallen in love before. You thought you did but you were just lying to yourself. It was just another way to hide from the reality. The reality hurt you in more than ways you could have imagined and that was one of the reasons you couldn’t just get up and go to the park own your own.

It was two years ago when you and your family found about your heart disease. It was a rare condition which made your heart pump blood slower than a person your age. There were times where you literally felt your heart stop then continue beating a few seconds later. You had gone under surgeries, took tons of medicines but it never got fixed. You’ve learned to live with it and by that means you’ve became this person who wasn’t you. You organized a whole new life, leaving your desires and dreams away.

You stopped going on your annual ski trips. It was the only reason that you liked winter. Maybe, you could’ve added drinking hot chocolate somewhere there too. You couldn’t go out on which were above 30 degrees, only for an hour maybe. You had to check your pulse every 15 minutes, so you carried a few different devices with you. Also you carried a separate bag only for your medicines.

You wanted to study law but as your mom said it was a stressful job and it would be bad for your heart, you (or should we say your parents) decided to pursue a career in communication. It wasn’t bad after all, you really enjoyed it and thank god it wasn’t hard on you. In addition, you made a great friend called Kim Jungwoo.

Jungwoo was your rock. He was there right next to you every second of the day, by second I literally mean every second. You really couldn’t imagine a life without him. These two years was hard for you but also it was hard for Jungwoo. He had to see his best friend go through so much pain. The worst part, there was nothing he could do to make your pain go away but watch. There were times where you and Jungwoo just hugged each other and cried to sleep. One of the thousands of good things about Jungwoo was, he made the atmosphere go easy. He always had something to say that made you smile and laugh. There was even one time where Jungwoo made you laugh so hard that made you faint and he had to take you to the hospital. Jungwoo promised himself that day that he wouldn’t joke around ever again but it only lasted about 3 days and he was back to himself. Good thing that your parents had no idea about this incident or they would have banned Jungwoo out of your life.

It was supposed to be a normal monthly check up where you brought Jungwoo along with you. He never even once missed coming to your check ups. He always held onto your hand tightly. He was your emotional support.

‘’Are your parents not coming Y/N?’’ the doctor asked you.

‘’You know that they barely come to my monthly check ups. This time is no different.’’ You said, still holding Jungwoo’s hand tightly.

The doctor looked up from the paper for a second before putting them on his desk before taking off his reading glasses.

‘’You might want to call them, this is serious.’’ He said, making you and Jungwoo look at each other.

And that is how you learned that you had more than just a year left to live. Estimated. Apparently, your heart couldn’t take it anymore, as your body got bigger, your heart stood smaller. The doctor said, he would see you once a week from now on. There was a chance you might get better but you thought that the doctor only told that to not make you devastated.

‘’Just try to live your life fully but without any stress.’’ was the last thing he said before you got out of his office.

You still held onto Jungwoo’s hand as your parents went to get the car. It didn’t feel like reality. It was like you were in a some kind of k-drama. A very bad one too add.

‘’Jungwoo, I don’t want to go home and spend my time watching Netflix. Hell, I did that for the past 2 years of my life.’’ You mumbled.

Jungwoo didn’t know what to say. He was probably more shocked than you. He was silent during the whole appointment, he didn’t have anything to say. He was an emotional boy, it was going to be so much harder for him to live a life without you in it. You would leave but he was there to stay. His life would go on. He didn’t want to upset you; he wanted you to live your last months with full of good memories. He was there to give it to you. The doctor’s words affected him more than it affected you.

‘’Let’s go get ice cream.’’

‘’Ice cream?’’

‘’We should start somewhere if we’re going to make you live your life at the fullest. Ice cream is a good way to start, don’t you think?’’ he said, dragging you to the nearest ice cream parlor.

image  
‘’What do you want to do? Do you want to write down a bucket list? You’ve told me that you wanted to do something like that.’’ Jungwoo asked, eating his 3rd cup of ice cream.

‘’It sounds lame right now since I’m actually dying but I have something lamer to say.’’ You say trying to finish your first cup of ice cream.

‘’Nothing can be lamer than a bucket list.’’

‘’I want to fall in love.’’

\---

April

Johnny didn’t know what to write about. He recently turned in his latest article and wanted to start a new one immediately as always but he was out of ideas. This had never happened to him before. He was always full of ideas. It was going to be his last article since he was going to graduate next year, he wanted it to be big and original.

Being an English literature major, Johnny has always liked to read books and write about stuff. He actually wanted to write a book and publish it one day. But still, he was young and had a lot to learn. It was hard but he loved it and knew that he would get through it. But first he needed to start his new article for the university’s magazine/newspaper, whatever you call it. He was just lucky to have the chance to write somewhere.

‘’Have you thought about what you’re going to write about Johnny?’’ Doyoung asked during a meeting.

‘’I’m stuck.’’ Johnny replied, not taking his eyes off from his phone.

‘’You’re stressed about it. You always look at your phone when you’re stressed. Don’t you seriously have no idea what to write about?’’

Doyoung was also surprised by this because he knew Johnny was their best writer and he always had some magnificent ideas. Also he knew that Johnny didn’t like to ask people for their ideas. Maybe pushing him a little could help him write, Doyoung thought.

‘’Johnny look, I know that you might punch me but listen. I think there’s something or certain someone that you want to write about.’’

‘’I’m so desperate Doyoung, just let it all go. I’m all ears.’’ Johnny said, placing his phone on the desk.

‘’You know Jungwoo from communucations? ‘’ Johnny nodded. ‘’Great. You know his friend?’’

‘’The girl who carries two bags? I think I’ve seen her.’’

‘’Johnny, she’s dying-‘’

‘’Dying? Are you joking right now?’’

‘’Johnny, she really is dying-‘’

‘’What-‘’

‘’Just listen to me.’’ Doyoung interrupted. ‘’Jungwoo told me that she has this heart condition and the doctor told her that she has a year left to live? I’m not sure. Here comes the interesting part. She’s never fallen in love before as again Jungwoo told me and she wants to fall in love before she’s gone. Why don’t you write an article about this whole stuff. Just follow her around a couple of months and drop her until she falls in love with somebody. It’s something different and with your writing skills, it could turn out great. Also it’ll stay as a memory in her honor.’’

‘’I don’t know Doyoung, isn’t it a bit too much?’’

‘’You decide. Here’s Jungwoo’s number. Ask him for the girl’s number, talk to her, maybe she’ll agree, who knows?’’

\---

You had no idea why you agreed to meet up with this person. What were you two going to talk about? Was it going to be weird him knowing that you’ll be dead in a few months? Jungwoo told you millions of times that you were being too dramatic about it.

‘’Your doctor told you to live the life fully so you’re going to.’’ He said as he dropped you off in front of a coffee shop.

It wasn’t hard to find the guy you were looking for. Jungwoo told you that he was really tall, taller than him. ‘’That should be enough to find him.’’ he basically told you.

Jungwoo was right.

‘’Uhhh excuse me, are you Johnny?’’ you asked, standing in front of a small table in the corner.

He looked up at you from his seat as soon as he heard you speak and stood up.

‘’That’s me. Oh- sit down. Your name is Y/N right? Jungwoo told me.’’

He sat back down when he saw you take a seat.

‘’Do you want anything to drink? Coffee-‘’

‘’I’ll just have water. I can’t drink coffee because of… you know.’’ You replied with a sad smile on your face.

‘’Oh sorry about that, I didn’t-‘’

‘’It’s okay Johnny. I’m used to it. It’s just people who are around me making such a big deal of it. We’re all going to die in the end, aren’t we? I just want one thing from you, please don’t treat me differently like most of the people do. Just be comfortable, alright?’’

‘’That was two things.’’ He replied.

‘’What?’’ you asked confused.

‘’I won’t treat you differently and be comfortable around you. Two things.’’ He had a small smile on his face.

You couldn’t help but also smile at him.

‘’I think we’re going to get along Johnny. ‘’

You spent hours and hours talking to Johnny at the café. You learned about his major and his hobbies, how he was in love with not only with writing but also he really liked photography, how he abandoned his life in Chicago and came back to Seoul to go to university here and in return you told him about yourself. It was easy to talk to him and befriend him, you were happy that you came to meet him.

‘’So tell me more about this mission of yours?’’ he said, taking a sip from his coffee.

‘’Isn’t that your 4th coffee today? Take it slow or you’ll end up like me.’’

‘’Coffee helps me stay awake.’’

‘’So you’re telling me that I’m making you sleepy?’’

‘’Oh shut up, you know what I’m talking about. Now answer my question.’’

‘’It’s just… I’ve never fallen in love before. I thought I did but I was lying to myself. I’m going to sound so annoying but I really like romantic movies and I really want to fall in love with somebody and die happily at least.’’

‘’Yeah that’s annoying.’’ He says, earning a smack on the arm from you. ‘’Anyways, how do you plan on doing that? Will you meet new people or do you have a person in your mind?… Maybe Jungwoo?’’

‘’Jungwoo? Ugh, don’t be stupid. We can never see each other like that at all. I know him to well for that and he knows me. He has this girl that he looks but he promised himself that he wouldn’t get a girlfriend until I go away. Jungwoo is stupid but he’s all I have as a friend so I don’t question him. I really want him to be happy. I told him that I would take care of him from up there and he cried all night. I don’t want him to get more attached to me because in the end, I’ll be gone and he’s going to be even more sadder. That’s why he’s going to Japan for three months as an intern. He’ll be gone all summer.’’

‘’Wait- He’ll be gone all summer? How are you going to complete your so called mission without your partner in crime?’’

‘’That’s where you come in Johnny. Jungwoo told me that you’ll be in Seoul during summer to complete your article. If you can help me fall in love, I’ll let you write an article about me.’’

\---

‘’It’s weird that you’re the one who’s calling instead of Jungwoo.’’ You said picking up your phone, hearing Johnny’s chuckle.

‘’I asked for permission first. He’s with me now. We’re going to play some basketball, do you want to join- Yes, Jungwoo I know that she won’t be able to play. Well, Jungwoo wants to ask you if you want to come and WATCH us play basketball. Are you happy now Jungwoo?’’

‘’Are you at the park?’’

‘’Yeah, Jungwoo says that he can pick you up or I can-‘’

‘’It’s okay Johnny, I’ll ask my mom or take the bus-‘’

‘’Jungwoo says no buses.’’

‘’I’ll ask my mom then, you see in 20. Tell Jungwoo not to worry about me. He nags more than my own mother.’’ You said before hanging up.

It took you 15 minutes to get to the park and 10 more minutes to find the boys.

You smile to yourself when you spot Jungwoo and Johnny with some other guys, warming up to play.

‘’Did you get lost again?’’ Jungwoo says, running up to you.

‘’You know me so well. This place is more confusing at night. I can’t see where I am going.’’

‘’C’mon, let me introduce you to the other guys.’’

‘’I didn’t know you had friends other than me? You’ve been lying to me the all time? Shame on you Kim Jungwoo…’’

‘’I met them like last week. They’re Johnny’s friends. Since Johnny will be by your side during summer, I wanted to meet his friends. They’re good guys, maybe one of them will be who you’re looking for.’’ Jungwoo whispers the last sentence as he dragged you over to the other guys.

‘’Are they from our university?’’

‘’Nope, they don’t know your condition don’t worry about it.’’

‘’I just don’t want people-‘’

‘’-to treat you differently. I know, I know. HEY EVERYONE COME MEET Y/N!’’

‘’Jungwoo! My ear!!’’ you hit his arms repetitively.

Johnny couldn’t help but stare at you two. Were you sure that you and Jungwoo didn’t have a thing going on? You two literally acted like a couple and did couple things. Were Jungwoo too oblivious to realize his feelings for you and were you too oblivious to see that Jungwoo liked you? Was Jungwoo lying to you when he told you that he liked another girl? Johnny shook his head. Why was he suddenly thinking of your relationship with Jungwoo. He got up from the floor to greet you.

‘’It’s weird to see you in the park. You’re always behind closed doors.’’ Johnny said, messing your hair.

‘’Hello to you too John and stop touching my hair.’’ You said, trying to fix the mess Johnny made.

‘’Guys this is my new friend Y/N, please go easy on her. Y/N, these are the guys; Taeyong, Mark, Taeil and Sicheng. Also Yuta will be here in a few minutes. He won’t be playing so you’ll have a friend to talk with.’’ Johnny said with his infamous smile.

As they picked the teams and warmed up a little bit more, you learned more about the guys. They were all friends from high school with Taeyong, Yuta, Johnny and Taeil being in the same year with Mark being Taeyong’s younger brother. Sicheng was an exchange student from China who was majoring in economy in the university the other boys went to.

You took a seat on the bench as the boys started their game. You were so into the game, you didn’t even realize somebody sitting next to you.

‘’I thought I was going to be sitting alone here tonight.’’

You jumped in surprise when he talked. ‘’Ah sorry I didn’t notice you-‘’

‘’Were you too into the game or were you watching somebody?’’

You opened your mouth to speak but words didn’t come out.

‘’I was joking, close your mouth darling.’’ The boy said smiling.

He had a really beautiful smile. Really beautiful that you could see the sun shining brightly in his smile.

‘’I’m Yuta.’’ He said, bringing up his hand for you to shake.

You shook his hand, telling him your name.

‘’I’ve never seen you here before, perhaps are you Taeil’s new girlfriend?’’

‘’Ah no, Jungwoo is a close friend of mine, I guess I’m friends with Johnny too. We go to the same university. He called me to come here and watch them. It was a last minute kind of thing.’’

‘’I always come and sit here when they play.’’

‘’You never play?’’

‘’I’m more of a soccer person, also Mark is a better player than me so I gave my spot to him.’’

As the time passed, you found yourself and Yuta talking about everything. For the first time in a while, you really enjoyed somebody’s company other than Jungwoo and Johnny. It was nice having a conversation with somebody else. You really needed more friends.

When Johnny looked over to you and Yuta laughing and smiling, he smiled to himself. Yuta was a great guy for you. When you and Johnny first met, Johnny saw a little bit Yuta in you. After asking Johnny to help you fall in love, he thought about Yuta. He knew that you two would get along well and maybe he’ll be the guy you’d fallen in love with. He actually hoped that you would. Johnny knew that Yuta hated sitting alone while the guys played basketball, so he decided to ask you to come and now seeing you two having fun made him happy. Then, he turned around to see Jungwoo. He was also looking at you and Yuta, with a fake smile on his face. He wasn’t sure if he should go over to Jungwoo and talk to him or let him be?

The thing about Johnny was he tried to make people around him happy at all times. He listened their problems and tried to help them but with Jungwoo, he didn’t know what to do. He could imagine what he was going through but didn’t know it exactly. None of his close friends or old-crushes were on the edge of death after all.

But again why was he thinking of you and Jungwoo again?

Johnny walked over to you and Yuta when they gave a break.

‘’I see that you met Yuta, Y/N. If he annoys you let me know.’’ Johnny says, piching Yuta’s cheeks.

‘’Stoooop, you’re embarrassing me.’’ Yuta says hitting Johnny.

‘’Don’t worry John, he’s taking care of me really well. He’s fun to be around and not annoying at all.’’

‘’Glad that you two are getting along well. Now Yuta has a friend to meet up with during our weekly games!’’

‘’I think we’ll be seeing each other more often than that, don’t you think?’’ Yuta winked at you, leaving Johnny confused. ‘’I’m taking to get some breakfast tomorrow morning.’’

‘’Oooh really? That’s nice.’’ He says looking at your embarrassed figure. ‘’I need to get back to the game.’’

‘’Johnny wait.’’ You held his arms, not letting him go. ‘’Please don’t tell Jungwoo. If he learns, he won’t stop talking about you-know-what.’’ You whispered to him. He nodded and went back to the game.

\---

Late May

You’d been seeing Yuta for three weeks now. It was all going well, he made you happy but there was one thing. You still didn’t tell him about your condition.

‘’Sooo Yuta? Is he treating you well?’’ Johnny asked, a notepad in front of him as his phone recorded your ‘interview’ with him.

‘’You know he is Johnny.’’

‘’Right now, I’m not Johnny, your friend, but Johnny, the campus’ best writer. And I really need this interview done to write the first part of the article I’m working at. You know I only had time to write about your past and because there was nothing to write more about you until you met Yuta and isn’t that what my article is about? You falling in love?’’

‘’Johnny, how is Jungwoo? He seems fine when he’s with me but I know that something is off.’’

‘’He’s mad at you because you’re not telling Yuta about your condition and he will stay mad until you tell Yuta the truth.’’

‘’That’s not Jungwoo, you idiot. That’s you.’’

‘’Jungwoo’s just stressed because he’s leaving at the end of this month. He’s also scared of letting you be here by yourself. He’s still coming to your doctor’s appointments, right?’’

‘’Of course he is. He wouldn’t dare to leave me alone. I won’t let him.’’

‘’Okay good, now let’s get back to our interview, shall we? How do you feel when you’re with Yuta?’’

Johnny could see the way your eyes smile when he mentioned Yuta. He also realized how your cheeks turned red and how you played with your bracelets when you got embarrassed. He found it cute. He thought you were cute but he wouldn’t admit it, never.

He could see why both Yuta and Jungwoo liked you. Yes, he was sure at this time Jungwoo liked you too but he still didn’t admit it. But the thing was, Yuta liked the part of you which you showed while Jungwoo liked you with everything you offered.

He wished for you to fall in love with Jungwoo instead of Yuta.

\---

Johnny had taken Jungwoo out to get some drinks and chat for a while. The thing Johnny didn’t know unlike you was Jungwoo’s low alcohol tolerance. Only one beer was enough for him to start to speak the truth.

‘’I didn’t even realize I liked her until March when she told me that she was going to die. She told me like it was the most normal thing. I went to every single doctor’s appointment she had, and every single time they told her that she was getting better and she wouldn’t need to use the medicines anymore. One day, they straight up told her that the treatment wasn’t going anywhere and there was nothing they could do more about it. I took her to get some ice cream that day. I asked her what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. She told me she wanted to fall in love and in that moment I knew my life was going to be fucked up. The way she said it, the look in her eyes… Whenever I close my eyes, that moment comes in front of me. I told myself to open up to her but then I realized that she didn’t want to be loved but she wanted to be in love. After that I searched some internships and booked a flight to Japan. I won’t get over her with being right next to her twenty four seven. If I stayed, I’m pretty sure that I would’ve fallen in love with her. I love her as a friend, she’s my best friend for god’s sake but I won’t be able to deal with the girl who I’ve fallen in love with being dead. I won’t get over it. I don’t want to throw my life away. She always tells me that she will look after me when she’s gone and I truly believe that. She would want me to move on, get married and have kids in the future. If I fall in love with her THAT would never happen-‘’

‘’I think it’s time for you to go home Jungwoo. You started babbling again.’’ Johnny says, patting his drunk friend’s back. ‘’But I’m really curious about something. Do you think that if you had ever told her, would your relationship be different?’’

‘’She would probably reject me, saying that I don’t deserve somebody who is dying even if she liked me back. That’s why she’s saying that she wants to fall in love. Put that in your mind Johnny, she doesn’t want to be loved. That’s how she is, it’s been nearly three years since I met her but I still can’t understand how her mind works. She’ll probably fall in love with somebody who is willing to break her walls and that guy is not me.’’

Johnny just nodded.

‘’Promise me Johnny.’’

‘’Promise you what?’’

‘’Don’t let her fall in love with a guy that you don’t approve of. I trust you Johnny. I trust you with Y/N. Please take care of her while I’m gone.’’

That night when Johnny went back home, he thought a lot of what Jungwoo said to him. It was a bit weird. He thought Jungwoo was being selfish and not selfish at the same time. Jungwoo was ready to love you but also he wasn’t. He wanted to spend your remaining months next to you but he was scared. He was scared of the pain yet to come. In Johnny’s opinion Jungwoo didn’t deserve you as a lover. You deserved a person who’s willing to get hurt for you. You deserve a person who was willing to honor you after you’re gone. You deserved a person who was like Johnny but even Johnny didn’t know what that meant yet.

image  
It was a relaxing Sunday afternoon for Johnny. He was working on his article while sipping his coffee. The article started off well but he still needed more things to add. He knew that it was just the beginning but he still wasn’t satisfied with it. He was too concentrated that he jumped a little when he heard his ringtone. He picked up his phone to see Yuta calling him. That’s weird, he thought. Yuta never called him, he only texted him.

‘’Hi-‘’

‘’Johnny-‘’

Johnny knew something was wrong in that moment. Yuta’s voice was trembling in fear like he just saw a ghost or something. He was breathing so fast, Johnny was scared that he was going to faint.

‘’Yuta, what’s wrong? Stay calm, talk to me.’’

‘’Y/N, she-‘’

‘’Y/N? What happened to her? Is she okay? Have you called an ambulance? Oh god, where are you? I’m coming, Yuta, stay calm. Keep talking to me.’’ Johnny didn’t even think before getting up, grabbing his car keys and running to get in his car. Johnny didn’t remember how fast he was driving but he arrived at the hospital just after the ambulance. When Johnny got in, Yuta was the first person he saw and he ran to him, pulling him in a hug. Yuta was still shaking from what he had seen.

‘’It’s okay dude, it’s okay.’’ He said, patting his friend’s back.

‘’I-I don’t know what happened-‘’

‘’It’s alright, you don’t have to say anything. She’s going to be alright.’’

After calming Yuta down, Johnny made sure that he called Jungwoo. Jungwoo didn’t need to be told twice, he was at the hospital standing next to Johnny in minutes.

‘’What did you do to her, you prick!’’ Jungwoo decided to take his anger out on Yuta but Johnny was faster and stronger than him so he was able to pull Jungwoo back.

‘’Stay calm Kim Jungwoo. Don’t make a scene, there was nothing Yuta could do. You know her sickness. You know what will happen to her. Just because you’re sad over her condition doesn’t mean that you can fight people.’’ Johnny said, trying to calm Jungwoo this time. ‘’But seriously Yuta, what happened?’’

Yuta was silent. He was still trying to figure out what happened.

‘’We were at my place, watching a movie then we started making out. It was not the first time, we were fooling around then she pulled away, holding her chest and the next thing I can remember her trying to breathe then she fainted. In that moment, I didn’t know what to do, I was going to call Jungwoo but I didn’t have his number and I didn’t know her passcode so I called you. She’s not dying, is she? Oh god, I’m such a pussy. I just froze there and stared at her face, not being able to do something-‘’

‘’Yuta, there was nothing you could do. You did the right thing by calling an ambulance.’’ Johnny mumbled, putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

‘’The doctor knew who she was. Does this happen often? Is she sick?’’ Yuta asked, looking at Jungwoo.

‘’That’s not my story to tell. You should hear it from her.’’ Jungwoo replied, not looking at Yuta’s face. ‘’I’m going to call her parents, I think you two should go home.’’

‘’Home? Are you crazy? Something serious is happening to my girlfriend and you’re telling me to go home?-‘’

Johnny couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand his two friends bickering over you like small children.

‘’She’s dying for god’s sake Yuta! She’s fucking dying! Are you happy that you know now? She only has a few months left to live because her heart is too small and can’t carry her anymore. Didn’t you get curious about all those devices that she carries around or all those pills she has to take? Are you that careless about what she’s going through that you didn’t fucking take your time to ask a simple question? If you had never thought about it, you didn’t fucking deserve to be with her from the start!’’

Johnny didn’t even realize he was holding Yuta by the collar of his shirt until he stopped speaking. Both Yuta and Jungwoo were shocked by Johnny’s outcome. Yuta had never seen Johnny this angry before and Jungwoo was shocked by his words.

Yuta didn’t say anything. He pushed Johnny before he stormed out. He started walking. He didn’t know or didn’t care where he was going. He just needed to think about what Johnny had said. You were dying and you didn’t tell him that? Pathetic, he thought but in the inside it crushed him. What was the reason that you kept this secret away from him? Were you scared that he would leave you? Probably that was the answer. Yuta really liked you and to be honest, even if you had been dating around a month, he imagined falling in love with you. You were great, you liked what he liked, you understood him like nobody did. But everybody knew what Yuta hated the most. Secrets. There was no way that he could trust you again after keeping this from him.

Yuta didn’t go back to the hospital that day but he texted Johnny to let him know if you woke up. If… It was really fascinating how a simple word could change the whole meaning of a sentence.

Yuta didn’t want you to die like this. He just hoped that you’d be fine and hopefully, you two could talk about this incident to clear things up.

\---

‘’So you two broke it off?’’ Johnny asked you over the phone.

‘’It was better for both of us. He deserves a person who can take care of him and knowing my condition I won’t be able to do that.’’ You replied. ‘’I should’ve told him sooner. I really liked him, I hope that we’ll stay as friends and he’ll come to my funeral.’’

‘’Now you’re just ruining the mood.’’

‘’I’m not lying or anything, you know. It’s okay that if he doesn’t come to my birthday but I hope that you guys come to my funeral.’’

‘’You won’t even be there!’’

‘’I’ll be watching you, you know that.’’

‘’Don’t you always tell that to Jungwoo?’’

‘’Jungwoo is leaving tomorrow, I need to get used to telling that to you since you’ll be my new Jungwoo.’’

‘’Jungwoo will be sad if he learns that I’m replacing him.’’

‘’Didn’t he already asked you to replace himself? ‘’

‘’You know about that?’’

‘’Jungwoo tells me everything.’’

Johnny paused.

‘’You know about it right?’’ you said.

‘’I know what?’’

‘’That Jungwoo likes me.’’ 

Johnny paused once again. ‘’I do.’’

‘’And you know I’m the reason that he’s leaving, right?’’

‘’… I do.’’

‘’I told him that if I wasn’t going to die in a few months, I would’ve fallen in love with him.’’

‘’What happened next?’’

‘’He started crying.’’

‘’That was expected.’’ 

‘’Then we went to get some ice cream.’’

‘’Didn’t your doctor ban ice cream?’’

‘’I’m going to die anyways. Nothing would change if I died a month early or a month late.’’

‘’The way you think amazes me every single time.’’ Johnny you stupid ass, why would you say that?

‘’… Oh…’’ Now you were the one pausing. ‘’ I really like talking to you Johnny.’’

‘’I like talking to you too.’’

\---

July

It’s been nearly a month since Jungwoo was gone and you missed him like crazy. It was weird to not having him around but you guessed that it was even harder for him to be away from his family and friends in a different country. Even if he went away because of you, you were happy for him. At least he was doing something with his life unlike you. Even since Jungwoo left, you didn’t get out of your room. Sometimes Johnny came over but he wasn’t Jungwoo. He didn’t know you like Jungwoo did but he was trying so hard. And that day Johnny decided to bring you out.

‘’I feel like I accomplished something big.’’ Johnny said, smirking.

You sat on the passenger’s seat next to him as he drove. You didn’t know where he was taking you, he just barged into your room and told you to dress prettily. 

‘’For bringing me out for the first time in two weeks?’’

‘’No, for seeing you wearing such a pretty dress. A pretty girl wearing a pretty dress.’’

This boy knew how to speak and make you blush.

‘’Shut up and keep driving.’’

Around 10 minutes later, you found yourself in front of a frat party.

‘’I can’t believe that you brought me to a frat party.’’ You say, pinching his arm, making him hiss.

‘’You need to have fun a little, maybe meet some new people. You took a shower after 4 days for the first time today Y/N, I’m worried about you.’’

‘’You know that I can’t drink right?’’ He nodded. ‘’And it’s not good for me to stay in crowded places for a long time, right?’’ He nodded again. ‘’And smoke? That’s also a no.’’ He nodded once again.

‘’Y/N, relax. The president of this frat is a friend of mine called Kun. He has strict rules about smoking inside the frat, so don’t worry about it. Also only the people on the list can enter their parties, so it won’t be crowded like our frat parties. ‘’

And Johnny surprised you once again for all. He thought about every single detail. You were so thankful for him, you couldn’t help yourself but place a chaste kiss on his cheek, making him blush immediately. You didn’t know where the confidence came from but you were glad that you did it. 

‘’Uhmm… What was that for?’’ Johnny asked, looking at you but not making direct eye contact. For a giant guy, he acted like a puppy sometimes.

‘’It was just a way of saying thank you. I really appreciate it Johnny. Why are we waiting, let’s get in!’’ You say, taking his hand in yours and dragging him to the party.

Like Johnny said, it was nothing like the frat parties you knew. There were various drinks and snacks on the counter. There was a separate place for dancing and a separate place just for to sit and chat.

After meeting Kun and some of his friends, Johnny dragged you near the place where people were dancing.

‘’Wait here, there’s someone I want you to meet. He might be the one.’’ Johnny said before disappearing into the crowd and coming back with a tall guy with a face of a Greek God.

You were loss at words.

‘’Y/N, this is Yukhei. Yukhei, this is Y/N, the girl I was talking about the other day. Why don’t you just chat a little while I go and talk to some of my friends, hmm?’’ Johnny said, winking at you before pushing you and Yukhei down to an empty couch.

‘’This is weird.’’ You say, not knowing what to do without Johnny by your side. He was the only person you knew there and now you were stuck with a handsome stranger, you weren’t complaining but wished Johnny was next to you.

‘’Isn’t Johnny weird though?’’ Yukhei replied.

‘’He sure is… How did you meet Johnny?’’

‘’I’m majoring in photography, we met in a gallery opening in our university. I assume that you know he really likes photography.’’ You didn’t. ‘’How did you two meet?’’

‘’Uhh, he’s writing an article about me…’’

‘’Oh you’re the article girl!! He never stops talking about you. I’m sad that you’re going through all of this but I’m not going to say more things because Johnny told me that you hated being treated differently. He made me read his article-‘’

‘’He let you read the article??? He never, never ever once, asked me to read it. Now I’m sad.’’ Wait a minute. What did he say? ‘’Uh, he talks about me?’’

‘’Yeah, whenever we talk, he never shuts up about the article and you. It’s an honor to meet you personally.’’ He smirked at you.

God, this boy was too handsome. He shouldn’t be real. Was it possible to look this good? Even looking at his face made you blush.

‘’So Y/N, what about we chat for a while then go up for a dance?’’

Johnny was talking to his friends but he was also watching you and Yukhei. He was a soft guy with a pure heart but Johnny knew how flirty and touchy Yukhei could get, that was why he was keeping an eye on him.

‘’You’re staring at them again… Can’t you just admit that you like her and go please?’’ Kun said, taking a sip from his beer.

‘’Me? Her? Don’t be funny. She’s just somebody that I’m writing an article on and just a friend.’’ Johnny replied, not breaking eye contact with Yukhei from across the room.

Johnny was literally ready to jump on Yukhei when he lowered his head to whisper something in your ear, earning himself a slap on his chest. You slowly stood up from your seat as Yukhei stayed still and caught Johnny’s eyes. You walked over him until you were in front of him.

‘’Yukhei said that you’d been watching us all night-‘’

‘’Me? Watching you two? Don’t be silly.’’ First sip.

‘’Johnny, you’re blushing.’’ Second sip.

‘’How can you see that I’m blushing, it’s so dark in here.’’

‘’I’ve learned about your little habits in these few months we spent together, Johnny.’’ Third sip. ‘’Also you drink a lot when you’re embarrassed, water, beer, doesn’t matter.’’ Fourth sip. ‘’Do you want to dance with me?’’ Cough.

‘’Me- What about Yukhei?’’

‘’Well, he’s the one who encouraged me to come up here and ask you.’’

He puts his beer on the counter after taking another sip. ‘’Lead the way then.’’

You took his hand in yours the second time that night, dragging him all the way to where people danced.

‘’Are you sure that you’ll be okay?’’ He shouted. Damn, he couldn’t even hear himself because of he loud music. To his luck, you understood what he was saying and nodded in response, giving him thumbs up.

You held both of his hands and started to sway to the music. Johnny didn’t know what to do when you were moving like that in front of him. You sensed how uptight he was, so you dropped his hands and wrapped your arms around his torso, resting your face against his chest and started swaying to the rhythm once again, trying to make Johnny move. With his new gained confidence, Johnny decided to wrap his arms around you, making you smile into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of your head as you two went back and forth. Johnny wanted to stay in that moment forever.

‘’Why didn’t you made a move on her? I remember you saying that she was cute when Johnny showed her picture and said that you really hoped to take her on a date.’’ Kun asked Yukhei.

‘’Isn’t it obvious? Johnny likes her a little bit too much.’’

\---

September

You were devastated and furious when Jungwoo told you that he was not coming back to Seoul for the semester. The place where he was an intern at offered him some extra scholarship at some university. In addition, he got himself a girlfriend. You were literally counting days to see him again but he was ditching you like this. What a friend. So you had no choice but bring Johnny to your doctor’s appointment.

‘’I’m so sorry that I’m making you do this.’’ You said, your voice trembling.

‘’Hey hey hey, why are you stressed? If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t have come. I know you hate going to these things along and as your friend I should be there for you, right?’’

It had been 1 month 14 days and 7 hours since Johnny realized that he liked you but to this day he hadn’t told you anything. He kept reminding himself of Jungwoo’s words: ‘She doesn’t want to be loved, she wants to love.’

‘’Johnny… Can you hold my hand? It’s just something Jungwoo did and I got used to it-‘’

Johnny didn’t even reply to you. He just picked up your hand and interlaced your fingers, putting a smile on your face. He knew that moments like these were his only chance to show some affection to you.

‘’Have you taken your medicine this morning?’’ he asks, making you sigh.

‘’Yes daddy, I have.’’

Your response makes Johnny gulp.

‘’Johnny, please don’t tell me you just gulped because I called you daddy.’’

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about. My throat was just itchy, that’s all.’’

‘’Please don’t tell me you have a daddy kink…’’

‘’I’m not telling you anything, you’re just imagining things yourself.’’

‘’Ah you’re blushing again.’’ You say, poking his now red colored cheek.

Johnny couldn’t help but smile at your little action.

The next day, you had to go to class. It was the first day of a new education year. Your third and Johnny’s last one. Yes, you were dying but that didn’t stop you from going to university. You sat at the very back of the class, trying to escape from the eyes people were giving you. It was no secret that you were dying. People pitied you, you could feel it in their looks. You didn’t want any of that shit. It was fake anyways. 

It really felt weird without having Jungwoo next to you. You didn’t have same classes with Johnny either. You were going to alone all semester or you thought so. 

You were busy reading some of Johnny’s old articles when you heard a soft voice ask you. 

‘’Excuse me, is this seat taken?’’

‘’Uh no, you can sit.’’ You say, taking your stuff away.

The boy smiled as he sat down. His dimples were cute.

‘’I’m Jaehyun by the way.’’

‘’Uh, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.’’ you say, returning his smile.

‘’Likewise. I saw you sitting here all by yourself and thought that maybe you needed some company? I’m not really sure what I’m talking about-‘’

‘’Yeah, my friend went to study abroad for this semester so I’m alone, you’re not wrong. What about you? I’ve never seen you here before.’’

‘’I’ve just transferred here from a college in the US. My parents decided to move back so I came with them. So you can say that I’m alone too. It’s good that I found you then, we can be each other’s company.’ 

‘’I would like that.’’

In the evening, Johnny found himself panicking. He was supposed to pick you up and take you to have some dinner but you weren’t answering your phone. That was unusual of you, you’d always had your phone in your hand. He was scared that something had happened to you. He searched the buildings where you had classes that day and asked people around. Nothing.

Until he saw you sitting down with some boy. Wait- Was that… Jung Jaehyun from high school? What the fuck? Wasn’t he supposed to be in Columbia or something 

Johnny walked towards your figure, your back was facing him so you didn’t saw him coming but Jaehyun did, standing up from his seat to greet an old friend.

‘’Johnny Seo? Is that you?’’ Jaehyun said, with his mouth wide open. ‘’This is a small world after all!’’

‘’Yeah, totally, wow!’’ Fake smiles Johnny, fake smiles 

He wasn’t surprised when Jaehyun pulled him in a brotherly hug.

‘’Wait, didn’t you say that you were in America the whole time? When did you two meet?’’ you asked, also surprised that the boys knew each other.

‘’We were in the same middle-‘’

Johnny cut Jaehyun off.

‘’Do you know how worried I was Y/N? I called you like 15 times and sent you a hundreds of texts. I thought something bad happened to you-‘’

‘’Johnny, I’m sorry…’’ you pouted. Shit, Johnny thought. How could he dare to get mad at that cute face of yours? ‘’I’ve just lost track of time and my phone was in my bag. I’m sorry that I got you worried but even if something happened Jaehyun was with me…’’

Johnny raised an eyebrow at you. You told Jaehyun?

‘’She told me about her condition, we were just talking about it. Also it’s great that you’re helping her about Johnny. Also I can’t wait to read the article that you’re writing when it’s finished. You were always a great writer.’’

Jaehyun and his stupid dimples 

‘’We were going to get some dinner, do you want to come with us Jaehyun?’’ you said with hope in yours eyes as you look at Jaehyun.

‘’If that’s okay with you, I’d be happy to join you two.’’

Y/N no… Why would you invite him? It is our dinner!!

Both you and Jaehyun looked at Johnny.

‘’Alright, alright, let’s get going. I’m starving.’’

Johnny should have said no.

During dinner, he felt like the third wheel and he wasn’t having fun unlike you and Jaehyun.

Jaehyun was always the heartthrob of their school. Girls swooned over him, especially his dimples. Seriously fuck those dimples. He and Jaehyun used to be close in middle school but after Johnny came to study in Seoul, they lost contact and never spoke again. It was weird seeing him like this now. He had grown up well.

Johnny could tell that you were interested in him. You always asked questions about his life in America, his hobbies, his favorite movies… You’d never asked those things to Johnny.

In that moment Johnny realized how little you knew about him. Johnny knew everything about you because he was curious. He was the one who wanted to get to know you. In conclusion, you didn’t want to get to know him. 

\---

Johnny got permission from your doctor to take you on a small trip. He was going to take you to his uncle’s lake house for the weekend. When he told you about it, you were jumping from happiness. In seconds, Johnny was concerned and held you down.

‘’I still can’t believe that your uncle has a lake house. It’s so pretty!’’ you said amazed as you got into the small cabin.

‘’I used to come here a lot in high school. My uncle took me to fishing and camping. I really enjoyed fishing and I was really good at it.’’

‘’I didn’t know that you liked fishing…’’

Like the day of that party you met Yukhei, you realized that indeed there was a lot of remaining stuff that you didn’t know about Johnny 

‘’There’s lots of stuff that you don’t know about me.’’

‘’I know that you have a daddy kink.’ 

‘’Shut up.’’

‘’But seriously Johnny, I would love to learn more about you. You know everything about me but I know just a little about you. It’s not fair.’’

Johnny couldn’t help but smile to himself. Finally, we’re getting somewhere, he thought.

‘’Okay just ask me stuff that you’re curious about.’’

‘’Let’s play 21 questions!!’’

‘’When did you get into photography?’’ you ask to Johnny who was lying down across from you on the same couch.

‘’I think I was around 12, my dad gave me his old camera so I just took a lot of pictures with it. What is your favorite pokemon?’’

‘’I’m going to be lame again and say Pikachu. Have you ever fallen in love?’’

Johnny stopped for a second. Had he?

‘’I don’t think so. I’ve had a few girlfriends before but I wouldn’t call it love. Why do you want to fall in love?’’

‘’Because I’m going to die soon.’’

‘’That’s not what I meant. Answer me properly.’’

‘’But it’s my turn now. That’s not how the game works.’’

Johnny gave you a look that made you sigh. ‘’Because I’m a hopeless romantic and I want to experience the love I heard about, I watch and read about. I don’t care if the person who I fall in love with me doesn’t have to like me in that way. I just want to love, okay? Now it’s my turn. Will you do a special talk at my funeral?’’

‘’I will, if you want me to.’’

‘’I do, I’ll be watching you from up there.’’

‘’I know, you will.’ 

‘’Johnny, I have something to tell you.’’ You said as you sat up from your position, making Johnny confused. ‘’But don’t joke around because I’m serious about it.’’ You bit your lip.

Why would you have to bite your lip like that? It was driving Johnny insane.

‘’I really like Jaehyun, Johnny. I think he might be the one.’’

Crash. That was the sound of Johnny’s heart breaking.

He started at you with his eyes wide open. He wasn’t shocked, he knew that you and Jaehyun had been getting closer as the two of you spent too much time together without Johnny 

‘’Why are you quiet all sudden? Did he say anything about me? Does he not want to hang out with me because I’m going to die?’’ Johnny opened his mouth but the words couldn’t get out. ‘’It’s okay though, I can love him from a far.’’

Those words broke Johnny’s heart even more.

‘’Are you in love with him?’’ Johnny mumbled, not wanting to know the answer.

‘’Don’t be stupid, I’m not but I hope to be.’’ You said with a smile on your face. ‘’Can you… like… ask him about me?’’

Johnny didn’t want to do this. He wanted to be selfish just for once, his heart wanted you but in his head, he knew what he had to do. He would do anything to see you smile even if he’s not the cause of your smile. In that moment, Johnny knew he was fucked up because he was head over heels for you.

‘’I would do anything to make you happy.’’

\---

Johnny had kept his promise to talk to Jaehyun about you. Just to Johnny’s luck as always, Jaehyun also had feelings for you but he didn’t know if he should open up to you. With a fake smile on his, he told Jaehyun to go for it and the next day he saw you two holding hands and kissing.

As the days passed Jaehyun replaced Johnny over everything. He picked you up and dropped you off, he carried your medicine around, he went to the hospital with you, he held your hand at the doctor’s appointment…

Johnny needed to get his mind of things so he decided to meet up with Taeyong and Taeil.

‘’If you didn’t like this Jaehyun guy, why did you get the two of them together?’’ Taeyong asked.

‘’You idiot, can’t you see that he’s lovestruck? Johnny, do you know the real reason Yuta and Y/N break it off? Yuta could see that you liked her months before you realized it yourself! He knew that you’d be the right person for her, not Jungwoo, not himself, YOU! Like Taeyong said, if you liked her that much why did you got the two of them together?’’ Taeil said.

‘’Because she’s dying! Fuck! She’ll be gone in a few months and I just want her to be happy! I made a promise to her months ago that I would help her fall in love! I’m not ruining that because of my selfishness. In the other hand, since she’s not hanging out with me anymore because of Jaehyun, I had some time to write my article.’’

‘’Will you be okay writing about the girl that you’re in love with, fall in love with somebody else?’’ Taeyong asked, patting his friend’s back.

‘’I have to do this, for her.’’

Later that night Johnny got a call from you.

‘’Johnny-‘’

‘’Oh my god, Y/N, did something happen? Where are you? Is-‘’

‘’Calm down idiot!! I have some good news!! I had an appointment today, I went with my mom since Jaehyun was busy-‘’

‘’Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve come with you-‘’

‘’I didn’t want to bother you. Anyways, the doctor said that my condition was getting better thanks to this new machine. He said that I could live more!! Johnny, I’m not going to die soon!!’’ you said, sobbing.

Johnny couldn’t believe his ears. You were going to live longer? He was going to have more time that he could spend with you? Johnny didn’t realize that he was crying until you put it out. 

‘’Johnny, you’re making me cry more. If I knew that you were going to be a crybaby, I would’ve called Jaehyun or Jungwoo first.’’ You stammered, your sobs getting louder.

The fact that you called him before anybody else, made him feel butterflies in his stomach.

‘’Y/N, I love you.’’ Johnny didn’t know why he said it. He was just in the mood and there was no turning back. He needed you to know.

‘’I… I love you too Johnny. Thanks for being my best friend.’’

Best friend… It hurt more than it should have. After all the time you had spent together, he was just your best friend and nothing more. 

‘’Thanks for being you Y/N… Look I have to go now. Let me know if you need anything, alright?’’

‘’Okay, I can’t wait to tell Jaehyun. See you!!’’

\---

Late October

‘’Johnny I have to talk to you about something, it’s important.’’ Jaehyun said, grabbing Johnny’s arm.

‘’About what? I have to get to class.’’ Johnny said uninterested.

‘’It’s about Y/N.’’

‘’You have 10 minutes.’’

‘’Let’s get some coffee.’’

Johnny and Jaehyun sat near the window of the coffee shop. It was your favorite place to hang out. You used to come here with Johnny and sit on the exact same spot even if you only drank water. You called it ‘our spot’ until you started bring Jaehyun over and stopped calling Johnny to hang out at your spot.

‘’I’m not going to babble, Johnny, I’m in love with Y/N.’ 

Johnny choked on his coffee and started coughing.

‘’You’re what?!’’ Cough. ‘’It’s been like a just two months since you two met? Are you sure about it? Don’t play with her heart Jung Jaehyun, I will break your pretty face.’’

‘’Johnny, I’m not playing around with her. I’m serious about it. Also since she’s going to be around here more than the estimated time, you know, I wanted to tell her how I feel-‘’

‘’So you weren’t in love before she told you that she was going to live longer than the estimated time? Jaehyun, are you some kind of sick joke? What the fuck-‘’ 

‘’Johnny, what the fuck are you saying? Why are you twisting my words like that? I’m being serious. I’m in love with her.’’

‘’NO JAEHYUN! You’re not in love with her. You can’t fall in love with her. I know that you’ll end up hurting her. Jaehyun, she can’t handle this. Her heart is too small for her big personality.’’ Johnny’s hands were shaking and he was having a hard time to breathe.

Johnny was having a panic attack and Jaehyun didn’t know what to do. He grabbed his shoulders and gave him a tight squeeze.

‘’Johnny, stay calm. Your face is white as snow. Take deep breaths. Just like that.’’

It took Johnny a while to get himself back together. ‘’I’m just scared Jaehyun. She’s like glass, so fragile. Did you know that she had a heart attack while making out with her ex?’’ 

‘’I know, she told me. She even tells the most serious things like they were some kind of a joke.’’ Jaehyun chuckles making Johnny small a little. ‘’I’m serious about her Johnny. I want to be next to her when it happens, you know. I want to be with her.’’

Now Johnny could see how much you meant to Jaehyun. He was really in love with you and you deserved to be loved. He couldn’t give the love you deserved but he hoped that Jaehyun could.

\---

November

‘’Johnny, are you busy?’’ you asked on the phone.

‘’I’ll always have time for you, what’s up?’’ Johnny said, eating some cereal. It was 9pm but for Johnny, he could eat cereal at any given meal.

‘’I’m at the hospital-‘’

‘’Hospital? Did something happen? Is Jaehyun with you?’’ he said, leaving everything on the kitchen table and went to the door to wear his shoes and put on his jacket.

‘’Johnny, I’m alone-‘’ 

‘’I’ll be there in 10 minutes, okay? Which room are you in?’’

Johnny was next to you within 5 minutes. 

‘’You shouldn’t drive that fast if you don’t want to get killed on the road.’’

‘’I can’t believe you are making jokes even if you’re in a hospital bed. What did they feed you?’’ he joked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Johnny made you laugh, like every single time. You always laughed at his lame jokes, not because you felt bad but you loved to see Johnny’s smile when you laughed at his jokes.

‘’Anyways, mind telling me why you’re here?’’ Johnny asked, concerned.

‘’Hypertension. I was about to faint when I got here. I’m all good now but they’re going to keep me under check until tomorrow morning so I’ll be staying here tonight.’’

‘’Where’s Jaehyun? I thought you had plans with him today.’’

‘’He doesn’t know that I’m here.’’

‘’What? Why-‘’

‘’He told me that he was in love with me Johnny…’’

‘’Oh… ‘’ Silence. ‘’What about you?… Are you in love with him?’’

Silence again.

You look down at your hands while you played with your rings. You shook your hand.

‘’I don’t think so. I mean… not yet. I don’t know.’’ You hold your cheeks.

‘’What did you say to him?’’ he said in a low voice.

‘’I said that I needed some time. Don’t you think that he’s moving too fast? It’s only been like two months?’’

‘’So you were stressed and then you felt like fainting and ran to the hospital by yourself? Um excuse me but where was Jaehyun?’’

You nodded.

‘’Jaehyun got angry at my words and left me at the diner so yes.’’

‘’That bastard-‘’

‘’It’s okay Johnny. At least you came along.’’

‘’I can stay the night if you want.’ 

‘’I don’t want to be a bother to you, John. My dad will be here in an hour.’ 

‘’Call and tell him that he doesn’t have to come. We’re having a sleepover tonight. Scoot over.’’ He said, patting your leg.

‘’Are you sure that we’ll fit here? You’re like 2 meters tall!’’ you said as Johnny squeezed beside you and got under the covers.

‘’I think we’ll work it out. I have Netflix on my phone, care to watch some Harry Potter with me m’lady?’’

‘’That would be an honor Mr. Seo.’’

40 minutes into the movie, you were asleep on Johnny’s chest which made him blush a lot. You had an arm wrapped around his torso as he played with your hair. He could feel his cheeks getting hotter. Johnny would give up everything so you could stay like this forever. Slowly, he felt his eyes getting heavier and the next thing he knew he fell asleep with you in his arms.

The next morning, you woke earlier than Johnny. He was gripping you tightly like a teddy bear since the bed was small, he was probably worried about you falling down or something, it was hard for you to move. You slowly turned around to fake Johnny, trying not to wake him up. His breath was steady. The strands of his black hair were covering his closed eyes. He looked like an angel. You couldn’t help but stare at his sleeping figure. It was a different feeling waking up next to Johnny. You’d had millions of sleepovers with Jungwoo in which you shared the same bed, you didn’t feel something like this. The only thing you wanted was to wrap your arms around his giant body and cuddle him. It was weird but a good weird. You liked it. Everything felt familiar with him. He made you feel safe and comfortable for some reason. You pushed the strands of hair off quietly, trying to take a better look at his face. In that moment you realized that Jaehyun could never be Johnny. Your Johnny. The guy who spent all his summer running around you, the guy who went through your heartbreak with, the guy who took you to the doctors, the guy who bought you every Pikachu themed stuff, the guy who was right next to you instead of your own boyfriend. The guy who you’d been searching was always right next to you but you were too oblivious to see it.

You were in love with Johnny.

\----

‘’Babe, thanks for meeting me. Look I was a jerk-‘’

‘’Cut it, Jaehyun. Do you know where I was after you left me? I had to go to the hospital and stay there for a night because you put me into too much stress-‘’

‘’I didn’t-‘’

‘’You didn’t even call me or send me a fucking text? Were you not worried about me at all? And you said you loved me, pfft, I guess that was a lie.’’

‘’You know that I’m serious about you, about us. I was just angry-‘’

‘’You were angry because your fucking ego got hurt Jaehyun. Because all your life, you always had what you wanted but now when a girl that you ‘love’ didn’t love you back, your ego got hurt. I can’t believe this.’’

‘’Y/N, listen to me for a second-‘’

‘’I don’t have time for your bullshit Jaehyun. My time is important since I’m counting my last days on Earth. But thank you, I realized that you weren’t worth my time, there are people out there who truly care about me.’’

‘’Like Johnny? As expected from Mr. Seo, he came to save the day, didn’t he?’’

‘’Don’t dare to talk about Johnny like that. He was there with me that night when you weren’t. At least now I know who I love and it’s not you Jaehyun. We’re over.’’

\---

‘’You what?!!!!!’’ Jungwoo screamed over the phone as you facetimed him.

‘’You heard me right. We broke up.’’

‘’But,,, you don’t seem sad at all. I thought you liked him. Like… really really liked him.’’

‘’Turns out he was a jerk and a certain somebody opened my eyes.’’

‘’Is that certain somebody… Johnny?’’

‘’Why do you ask questions when you know the answer? Jaehyun left me alone then Johnny came in and save the day as always. It’s always been him.’’ You mumbled the last part.

‘’Uhh miss? What was that? Are you trying to say-‘’

‘’I’m in love with him Jungwoo and I’m devastated that I realized it too late. Anyways as I said before, I’m willing to love him from a far.’’ You confessed as you played with the hem of your sweatshirt – Johnny’s sweatshirt.

‘’You’re dumb as fuck Y/N. Why the fuck would Johnny come to the hospital in the middle of the night and spend the night next to you, and giving you his sweatshirt because you didn’t have comfortable clothing with you when it was like 5 degrees outside? Can’t you see that he’s in love with you too?’’

Your heart skipped a beat. Was Johnny in love with you like the way you were in love with him?

‘’Stop thinking Y/N, go get your man. He’s been waiting for too long.’’

‘’Thanks Jungwoo, tell Mina that I said hi, I gotta go.’’

\--- 

The loud banging of the door made Johnny get up from his deep sleep. He checked the time on his phone to see it was around 2AM. It’s probably one of the boys, he thought since they always came to his place without calling him but it was also weird since the boys knew where he kept his spare key. He got out from his bed and walked over to the door to open it. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he opened the door to find you standing there, panting. He rubbed his eyes a few times, making sure he was seeing things right.

‘’Johnny, I-‘’

He sighed, grabbing your arm and dragging you inside without asking any questions and then closing the door behind you. He turned his back to you and walked over to the couch to grab a blanket just to come over to you again and wrap it around your freezing body.

‘’Your cheeks are red and you’re trembling, dummy. Do you even know what time it is? What are you even doing here? Wait- Did Jaehyun do something? I swear to god I’ll kill him-‘’

‘’We broke up. I mean… I broke up with him.’’ You said as you two sat on his comfy couch.

‘’So falling in love attempt number 3 was also a fail.’’ He wasn’t curious, disappointed or even surprised. He knew that this was going to happen after that night at the hospital.

‘’3? Wasn’t it supposed to be 2?’’

‘’You forgot Yukhei.’’

‘’He doesn’t count!! We only spoke like 2 times after the party before me and Jaehyun started dating.’’ You said getting annoyed.

Johnny had always thought that you were the cutest when you got annoyed. He just wanted to pinch your cheeks, which you hated, and make you get more annoyed at him. He didn’t realize that he was smiling until you pointed it out.

‘’Why are you smiling like that? Are my cheeks still red? Do I look funny?’’ you said cupping your cheeks. Johnny shook his head.

‘’Why are you even here?’’ he asked.

You turned away to look in front of you, not wanting to look directly at Johnny. Thanks to the freezing weather, you didn’t need to hide your blushing cheeks, they were already red anyways.

‘’I have to tell you something. I couldn’t wait till tomorrow.’’ You mumbled shyly.

‘’Hmm?’’

‘’Like you said, first three attempts might have failed but there’s a fourth one you didn’t know about.’’ Johnny furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding what you were talking about. ‘’Hell, I didn’t realize that he was right next to all this time. I was blind to not see it. I’m in love.’’

Johnny gasped. ‘’You’re in love with Jungwoo?!’’

‘’What- No you idiot, ughhh, I’m in love with you dumbass.’’

Johnny’s eyes widened. Did he hear you right?

‘’You’re lying.’’ He whispered.

‘’I’m not!’’ you said, turning around to face him.

‘’Then you’re drunk!’’

‘’You know I’m not! I’m not even allowed to drink alcohol!’’

‘’Then I don’t know!’’ Johnny says confused and tried to get up from his seat.

You acted quicker than him and grabbed his arm and tried to pull him back down, making him lose balance. He fell on top of you, making his face centimeters away from your own. You didn’t realize that you were holding in your breath until you had enough courage to look at Johnny’s eyes then his lips.

‘’Oh fuck it.’’ Johnny whispered just before he cupped your both of your cheeks, bringing your face closer to his and kissed your lips.

His lips were soft just as you imagined them to be, like his kisses. His lips tasted like strawberries, probably because of the chapstick you were making him use because his lips were getting dry as the weather got colder. You got drunk on the smell of his cologne as your fingers went through his hair, grabbing the strands tightly, pulling him closer. You opened your mouth wider to let Johnny’s tongue in to your mouth as your kisses got sloppy. He removed his hands from your cheeks to get rid of the stupid blanket wrapped around you. His hands slowly explore the curves of your body before he slipped them under your sweatshirt to hold you by the waist. You moaned into the kiss as his cold hands touched your skin, making Johnny groan. If given the chance, he could listen to your moans everyday. He bit your bottom lip a bit too hard as he pulled away to work on your neck.

Your hands travelled down from Johnny’s neck to all the way to his back as he bit and sucked the skin of your neck, possibly leaving purple marks that would be staying there for quite a while. You tugged at the hem of shirt, trying to get it off of him but your small action made him stop and look at you 

‘’Wait wait wait. I don’t want it to happen like this. Fuck, it’s nearly 3am-‘’

‘’Johnny, we don’t have to do anything but I think you might need a little help with that.’’ You said, brushing your knee against his growing boner, making him close his eyes and groan once again.

‘’Fuck, I didn’t think that it was possible for me to love you more but fuck, I love you.’’

Johnny tightened his grip on your waist to change positions, this time bringing you on top of him, making you straddle his crotch, again earning a moan from him. He sits up straight to connect your lips once again, holding you by the hips as you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

Johnny moaned into the kiss as you started grinding against him. Even if he was wearing sweatpants, you could feel how big he was and damn, that was something else. You continued your wet kisses as he guided your hips, trying to boost the pressure on his crotch, making you whimper into the kiss. The pleasure felt too good even if you were both fully clothed. This time, you pulled away from his pink lips to mark his neck. You started to pepper kisses on the corner of his lips and you worked your way to his neck as you kept rocking your hips against him. With your every move, you made sure that Johnny also enjoyed his time.

‘’God, go faster, it feels so good.’’ He whimpered as your pace became faster. Now you were moaning just right next to his ear, Johnny could feel his orgasm approaching. ‘’You’re gonna make a mess out of me baby.’’

You hid your face in the crook of his neck and panted against his neck. Your moves became sloppier as the minutes passed and realized that you were also close when you felt his cock twitching.

One of Johnny’s hands left your hip to take a hold on your chin and bring your lips against his once more that night. The kiss was rough and Johnny was quick enough to let his tongue into your without you realizing but who was complaining? He kept biting and sucking your lower lip, making it bleed a little.

‘’Johnny, I’m-‘’ you mumbled against his lips.

‘’I know, I know, me too. Keep going for a little more.’’

‘’I can’t-‘’ you said panting. It was overwhelming for you. ‘’Johnny, I’m cumming.’’

That was all Johnny needed before he came in his boxers with a loud moan, followed by your own orgasm. You kept rocking your hips slowly, as you both ride out your highs. The only thing that could be heard was your heavy breathing. Johnny could feel how fast your heart was beating and for a second, he panicked but he immediately relaxed when you cupped his cheeks and kissed him again. He never thought you were this straightforward.

After you pulled away, Johnny took a look at your face with loving eyes. He brushed strands of hair from your face, placing them behind your ear before caressing your cheek with his thumb.

‘’I can’t believe that you made me cum in my pants.’’ Johnny said after awhile, still in some kind of shock.

‘’ I can’t believe that I made you cum in your pants.’’ You said, slapping his hand away before hiding your face on his chest, earning a chuckle from Johnny as he wrapped his arms around waist and kissed the top of your head. ‘’Johnny, you know that you’re really special to me, that’s why I did it. I’m not some kind of girl-‘’

‘’Why would I?’’ Johnny said with a sad tone.

‘’I don’t know- I broke up with Jaehyun like a week ago then I come to your house at a late hour then it ends with us dry humping each other-‘’

‘’Y/N, I love you. I’m fucking in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for months. I wouldn’t let you do something if I didn’t know your true intentions with me.’’

You couldn’t help yourself but let a drop of tear fall down. You were in love with a man that loved you back. It felt unreal and too good to be true. To be honest, when you first met Johnny, you thought that he wouldn’t able to help you fall in love with somebody. It was stupid, how could somebody help another one fall in love? You should’ve known that you would end up with Johnny. He was perfect from the start when he agreed to help you.

‘’Okay, now my boxers start to feel uncomfortable. Also since we have classes tomorrow, we should go to sleep.’’

You looked at him surprised.

‘’Are you serious about going to classes tomorrow after what happened?’’

…

‘’We’re staying home tomorrow.’’ Johnny said before picking you up and carrying you to his bedroom.

image  
December

‘’I’m so happy that Jungwoo’s coming home for Christmas but he’s not bringing Mina with him. I guess she’s not ready to meet his parents.’’ You say as you took a sip from your hot chocolate

Johnny sat in front of you, drinking his latte. It was snowing outside and your classes were done for the day. You told him that you didn’t want to go back home so Johnny and you went to your usual café and sat at your table just right next to the window.

‘’You should be happy that you’ll have Jungwoo all to yourself.’’

‘’I don’t want Jungwoo, I want you.’’ You reply, making Johnny choke on the hot drink.

‘’You’re playing a dangerous game, babygirl.’’

‘’Jooooohnny, why do have to have a dirty mind?! You know I didn’t mean it like that.’’

‘’What can I do, if my girlfriend is so hot and makes me think of dirty things all the time…’’

‘’Wow, where did my soft Johnny go?’’ you said pouting.

‘’I’m right here my love.’’ He said making kissy faces at you.

‘’Why am I in love with a dumb dumb?’’

\---

Johnny interlocked your fingers as soon as you arrived at Kun’s party, guiding you through the frat house. Ah how things were different when the first time you came to this place. 

‘’Johnny!!’’ you heard Kun shout and saw him walking towards you. ‘’It’s been a while, I see you brought Y/N too. Yukhei’s going to be happy to see her.’’

Johnny chuckled at Kun’s remark before bringing your interlaced fingers up to his vision making his eyes go widen.

‘’YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER?!’’

‘’Yeah, it’s only been like 2 weeks, everything is going well for us.’’ Johnny said smiling down at you. He places a chaste kiss on your cheek, making you blush.

‘’Guys… I’m so happy for you two!!! I hope you two enjoy the party, you know where everything is. I gotta say hi to other people. I’ll see you around.’’ Kun said, patting Johnny’s back and leaving afterwards.

‘’That was something…’’ you said, chucking to yourself.

‘’He’s supposed to be keeping an eye on everyone but he’s already drunk tsk.’’ Johnny shook his said. ‘’C’mon let’s get you to sit somewhere then I’ll go catch some drinks and by drinks I mean water for you.’’

After Johnny left you seated to get some drinks, you started chatting with some people. You were too deep into the conversation until somebody tapped your shoulder. You turned around, thinking it was Johnny but surprised to see another familiar face.

‘’Yuta…’’

‘’Hi, Y/N. I didn’t know that you were a party girl.’’ He said with his infamous smile on his face.

‘’I’m not… I’m here with-‘’

‘’Johnny, I know. He told me. No hard feelings. I’m actually happy that you ended up with him. He probably treats you better than I did.’’

‘’Yuta, you’re not doing justice to yourself. You were perfect and we both knew that.’’

‘’Not as perfect as Johnny though.’’

His comment made you smile. Yuta was right, nobody was as perfect as Johnny.

‘’Oh, Yuta. I didn’t know that you’d be here.’’ Johnny came up behind you, handing you a cup of water before wrapping one arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his body.

‘’Yeah, I decided to drop by with some friends. You know, this is not my kind of party.’’ Yuta said, earning a chuckle from Johnny. It was no secret that Yuta liked more crowded and more wild parties than this one. ‘’Oh also, Y/N, Johnny told me that you’re condition was better than the last time we’ve seen each other. Any updates?’’

‘’We were at the doctor’s just yesterday. It’s going all right. He changed my treatment recently, we’ll see how that goes.’’ You replied.

‘’I’m glad to hear that, I gotta go find my friends now. It was nice seeing you two together. I’m happy for you John.’’ Yuta said, putting a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze, making him nod in return.

\---

‘’Johnny! It’s been a while since Y/N brought you over!’’ your mother said as soon as she opened the door to let Johnny into your house. She pulled him in a tight hug. ‘’I swear to god, she’s always at your place, she doesn’t even come here to sleep anymore. I’m glad that you’re taking good care of my baby.’’

‘’Of course, she’s my everything.’’

‘’She’s upstairs in her room with Jungwoo-‘’

‘’Jungwoo’s here? I thought he was coming on the 20th?’’

‘’He wanted to surprise her. We knew that he was coming two weeks earlier, he told us that he wanted to be a secret.’’ Your mother said as she went into the kitchen. ‘’Her father won’t be around for another hour. You go up next to them.’’

With that Johnny walked over to your room. As he got closer, he could clearly hear you and Jungwoo’s laughter.

‘’Oh my god Johnny, I didn’t hear you coming!’’ you said standing up from your bed and jumping into his arms, placing a chaste kiss on his lips, forgetting that Jungwoo was right there.

‘’Hey! You see him everyday, what about me?! It’s the first time in months that I’m seeing him.’’ Jungwoo said as he pushed you aside to hug his friend. ‘’I missed you John.’’

Johnny smiled as he hugged him back, tightly. He missed his good friend. ‘’Me too.’’

‘’Awee, my two favorite boys.’’ You said, wrapping your arms around Jungwoo’s waist to join their hug 

You stayed like that for a few minutes. You hadn’t realized how much you missed being with Jungwoo until that moment when three of you were together. 

After your small reunion, the three of you went to the living room to catch up.

‘’Johnny, you should’ve seen how she screamed when I entered the house. I guess she was expecting you to me, she was like ‘Johnny, you’re early- AHHHH KIM JUNGWOO!!’ I thought she was going to have a heart attack.’’ Jungwoo said laughing at you.

‘’I haven’t had one in a while, I wouldn’t have been surprised if I had it when I saw you walk in. What if I died Jungwoo?’’ you said, hitting his arm a couple of times.

‘’You won’t be dying for a long time sweetie.’’ Jungwoo replied, pinching your cheeks.

‘’What do you mean for a long time?’’ Johnny asked, getting serious.

‘’Oh shit, you haven’t told him yet?’’ Jungwoo whispered to you, making you shook your head.

‘’Johnny, I went to the doctors yesterday. That’s why I wasn’t able to meet up with you-‘’

‘’But you told me that you had to-‘’

‘’I know, I know… I didn’t want you to be there, hell, I didn’t want anybody to be there with me. It was an important appointment to see how was my body reacting towards the new treatment. I was scared of what the doctor was going to say. There was a high chance of him telling me that the treatment wasn’t going well, I was afraid that he was going to tell me that I was going to die sooner but-‘’ There was a huge smile on your face. ‘’He gave me 3 more years.’’

Johnny didn’t know what to say. 

‘’Are you being serious right now? This is not a joke right?’’

‘’I’m telling the truth Johnny!!’’

He turned around to give you and heartwarming hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you.

‘’I’’ kiss ‘’love’’ kiss ‘’you’’ kiss ‘’so’’ kiss ‘’much. But why didn’t you tell me this sooner?’’ he said looking straight into your eyes as his hands stayed on your cheeks.

‘’I wanted to tell you in person and see your reaction. Are you mad at me?’’ you said, brushing strands of Johnny’s hair away from his eyes to get a better look at him.

‘’Nobody can be mad at you my love.’’

Later that night when your father came back from work, the five of you ate the dinner your mother had made. Everybody looked like they were enjoying their time except for you father and Johnny was the first one who noticed it. When you and Jungwoo went into the kitchen to help your mother, your father was the first one to break the tension between him and Johnny.

‘’She’s scared Johnny. She doesn’t show that side to you but she is.’’ Your father says, making Johnny stare at him. ‘’The doctor might have told her that she has maybe around 3 years but it can happen earlier or later, maybe never. I’ve noticed how tired she is recently. She sleeps earlier but wakes me really late. She’s even having a hard time climbing the stairs sometimes.’’

Johnny didn’t say anything but kept staring at your father’s figure. He couldn’t help but notice how right he was. You didn’t have the energy to do most of the things you did a month before. Maybe he was going crazy since he was your boyfriend, it was all about the details now. He shrugged at the thought of losing you. He wasn’t ready yet, you still had time as the doctor said. He didn’t want to think about it. You helped him not to. You two barely talked about this stuff but listening to your father talk about this made him realize that it was the reality and there was no way to run away from it. He was going to be more careful from now on, it was all for you to live longer and healthier.

image  
Your parents went out to dinner with their friends as you waited for Johnny to come.

‘’I don’t think that we should go to the party.’’ Johnny said when he came to your house to pick you up. He sat on your bed and watched you change from your pj’s to jeans and a sweater. It was a simple look but it was enough for you to take Johnny’s breath away.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’I think we should just go to my place and spend our time together there.’’

‘’Do you want to throw me in your bed that bad? You know we could do it right here.’’ You said crawling over to him, straddling him as you wrapped your arms around his neck to kiss him but he doesn’t kiss back, weird of him. ‘’Johnny…’’ you mumbled against his lips. Johnny slowly pushed you off of him, making you frown and your stomach hurt. You stare at him confused and hurt.

‘’I don’t want to do this.’’ He whispers, not wanting to actually say it but he was lost in his thoughts.

‘’What do you mean ‘I don’t want to do this’?’’

Johnny bit his lips, not knowing how to say this. He didn’t want to lie to you but these past few days, your father’s words kept repeating themselves in his head. 

‘’Johnny, talk to me.’’ You said, holding his hand, nudging him. He kept looking everywhere but you. ‘’Johnny-‘’

‘’I don’t want to have sex with you!’’ he said, finally letting out the breath he was keeping in for too long. 

You raised your eyebrows and stared at him, not a single word coming out of your mouth. You kept staring at him, noticing how he was not looking directly into your eyes. Johnny always looked into your eyes when he said something that he really meant saying.

‘’You’re lying.’’ You finally said. ‘’Something’s been bothering you Johnny. You know that you can just talk about it.’’ You squeezed his hand, making him look at you in the end.

‘’Okay. I lied, I want to have sex with you.’’ He confessed, making you smile.

‘’Then what’s been bothering you, baby?’’ You mumbled, as you played with the hair on his neck.

He let out a loud sigh before, grabbing you and pulling you closer to his chest, making you lay down on his chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

‘’Your father talked to me. He kept telling me how fragile you were and how you were still in a bad condition. He didn’t even know if you’d make it to next month. After hearing him, I was just scared and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to spend my every single second with you by my side. I don’t want you go overwork yourself with school, I don’t want you to go to random parties because our friends will be there, and yes I’m scared to have sex with you because I don’t want to hurt you-‘’

You shut up with an unexpected kiss on his lips. ‘’You won’t hurt me John. I want to do it with you.’’ You mumbled against his lips.

Johnny pulled away, his eyes widened. ‘’You sure?’’

‘’Johnny, I dry humped you on your couch and made you come in your pants when I confessed to you. Why would you think that I didn’t want to have sex with you? You know that I’m not a virgin, so why are you being so stressed over this?’’

‘’Because I love you and I would kill myself if something happened to you-‘’

‘’Just shut up and kiss me you idiot.’’

After hearing your words, Johnny slammed his mouth against yours, giving you open mouth kisses. His kisses were passionate and included too much tongue, not that you were complaining. You knew he was trying to control himself because let’s be honest, Johnny liked it rough. His hands worked work their way from the back on your neck, all the way to your ass under your dress, grabbing your cheeks tightly, giving it a squeeze which made you moan into the kiss. You couldn’t help but rock your hips against his, trying to get some friction. You felt him getting harder by every more you made against his crotch, also feeling yourself getting wetter.

‘’Get me naked, Johnny.’’ You said between kisses.

Johnny didn’t need to be told twice as one of his hands left your ass to grab your zipper to yank it down roughly. You smirked to yourself when he started to get lost on the skin of your neck, sucking and biting harshly, making sure that he marking you as his. Sadly, he had to pull away to get rid of your dress, throwing it somewhere in your room.

The look on his was unforgettable when he saw that you weren’t wearing a bra under your dress. ‘’You’re such a dirty girl, aren’t you baby?’’

You cupped both of his cheeks before your lips met again. You sucked on his bottom lip as much as you could, feeling the heat rush to his bottom lip. You let go of his lip with a small pop. Johnny left soft kisses along your collarbones before sucking on your left breast. You threw you head back and moaned out his name. His tongue did wonders on your skin before moving to the other breast. Your fingers danced in his hair, pulling his head closer to your chest as you felt the slight vibration on your skin caused by his low groan. 

You pushed him on his back, sneaking your hands under his shirt to feel his abs, smirking as you did which made Johnny let out a soft moan. You slowly started to open up the buttons, not breaking eye contact as you continued to grind down on his dick 

‘’You think that me being the only one in their underwear is fair?’’ You shook your head. Johnny was quick to get rid of his shirt before you started to pepper kisses on his neck, shoulders and chest, leaving some marks as you did so. You stopped to unbuckle his belt and pull his zipper down when you got to his crotch.

You giggled to yourself when Johnny tried to take his pants off, making him giggle too. ‘’It’s because %90 of your height is your legs, you idiot.’’

‘’Stop laughing at me.’’ He said, after throwing his pants on the floor, pulling you against him.

Now he was just in his boxers and you were with your panties. You could see how big and hard Johnny was, gulping at the sight. You held the hem of his boxers, trying to pull them off too but Johnny’s hand on your wrist stopped you. 

‘’I want to make you feel good.’’ He said.

‘’But I want to blow you…’’ you whispered, shyly.

‘’Another time, eh?’’ he said, as you two switched positions, making him get on top of you.

He was quick to get rid of your panties and kiss your inner thighs, leaving purple marks. He started to move to your core, as he licked and sucked your skin, making you quiver and breath harder. He held down your thighs with his big hands as he took a lick all the way from your folds to your clit, making you moan his name which encouraged him to work his magic on you.

One of his hands left your thigh to touch your folds, his finger slipping easily in you before his mouth started to suck on your clit. You couldn’t help but moan every single time when his tongue flicked on your clit.

‘’Shit, baby, you’re so wet.’’ He mumbled against you, making you buck your hips to get more pleasure.

He slowly added another finger as he continued to pump them in and out of you. His fingers were definitely felt better than yours. You were a mess under him, breathing heavily and letting out groans with his touch. Johnny was enjoying this a little bit more than he should. Seeing you in this state, whimpering because of him, was making his cock twitch. He, once again hummed against your bud, when he felt your walls clenching against his fingers.

‘’I-I’m c-close-‘’ you said. Your hands were tangled in his black hair, pushing him against your core.

Johnny heard you but it didn’t stop him to pump his fingers faster as his tongue worked on your clit harder. It didn’t take you long enough to feel the feeling in your belly get more intense and before you knew, you were moaning out Johnny’s name as your walls clenched firmly, making you come. Johnny helped you ride out your first orgasm of the night as he kept his fingers inside you, curling them and pressing onto that one spot, making you cry from the pleasure you were receiving. It was one of the most intense orgasms you’ve ever had in your life, maybe it was the most intense one. You could swear that you blacked out for a second.

After pulling his fingers out, Johnny brought his face down to your folds, collecting your juices with his tongue. He knew you were sensitive from your orgasm so he tried to control himself not to start eating you out again. You couldn’t tell him to stop because you were trying to catch your breath so you pulled his hair a bit roughly, making him look directly in your eyes after licking you clean. He got your message, getting on top of you again, his face just right in front of yours. You blinked a couple of times, seeing Johnny’s face covered in your juices made you wetter. He was messy and that turned you on even more.

His hands were on each side of your head. He leaned in to kiss you, wanting you to taste yourself on his lips. Your put both of your hands on his back, feeling his back muscles as you caressed them, making him moan. You felt his dick brush against your thigh, making him hiss a little.

As you two continued to make out, one of your hands found its way between your bodies and grabbed his now hard dick. Johnny moaned into your mouth when he felt you touch him. He was quick to pull away from your kiss and look at the judgingly.

‘’Hey, I told you it was about you right?’’ he whispered, as started your hand started going up and down on his dick. ‘’Ah- I know that you want me to feel good too-‘’ He whimpered when your thumb brushed his tip. ‘’but you should stop because I think I’ll go crazy if I’m not inside of you right now, baby girl.’’

You let go of him with a pout on your face, making Johnny chuckle. He places a passionate kiss on your lips before taking a hold of his cock and pumping it a few times, lining it against your entrance, receiving a mewl from you. He laced your fingers with his, looking directly in your eyes.

‘’Don’t look in my eyes. It’s embarrassing…’’ you mumbled as you covered your eyes with your free hand.

‘’Oh now you’re embarrassed? I’m in love with a liar.’’ Johnny said, pushing your hand away from your face, kissing your nose. ‘’I love you so much, you have no idea.’’

‘’I love you too Johnny. This is so cliché, can you please get inside me now?’’ you said, biting your lower lip.

‘’Condom?’’ he asked.

‘’I’m on the pill and I think that you’d tell me if you had a disease so, fuck me raw Johnny. I want to feel all of you.’’

Johnny was turned on even more, if it was possible. His cock twitched at your words, he didn’t ask you if you were sure before he pushed the tip inside of you, making both of you make some kind of sounds. He slid into you easily, thanks to the foreplay. You closed your eyes as he pushed himself deeper, feeling how hot and wet you were. It was an overwhelming feeling for Johnny, it was the first time he was having sex without a condom, and shit, it felt so good and better probably because it was you who he was fucking.

You didn’t realize that you were holding in your breath until he was fully inside of you, stretching your walls completely. Shit, you were so tight. Didn’t Jaehyun fuck you enough? Stupid thoughts.

In reality, the last person you had sex was Yuta, not Jaehyun. You moved so fast with Yuta because he was the first person you were involved romantically after learning that you were going to die. You wanted to fall in love fast and you thought that sex was going to help but it didn’t. Stupid thoughts.

He let go of your hand to hold your hips down. ‘’Let me know when you’re ready.’’

‘’Move, Johnny.’’ You said after a while. Your hands were on his back once again as he started to thrust into you slowly.

His thrusts were gentle at first. You knew that he was still scared to hurt you but in the other hand, you could understand that he wanted to feel all of you without rushing. He wanted to take his time. He held your chin with his free hand and kissed you again. This kiss wasn’t rough, it wasn’t rushed, it was passionate and full of love. In that moment you understood how much Johnny actually loved you.

It was the most intimate way how two lovers showed their love for each other and that kiss was just the cherry on top of it. He kissed his way to your neck, pressing soft kisses on the skin.

Johnny’s cock filled you so good, like he was made for you. He felt incredible moving in and out of you, hitting all the right spots. He definitely knew what he was doing but he still moving slower than you expected 

‘’I’m not made of glass Johnny, go faster.’’ You mumbled against his ear, biting his earlobe.

‘’I won’t be able to stop after I start, you know that right?’’

‘’You act like I don’t know you John- Ugh, fuck!’’ you moaned, your nails digging in is back.

He knew that he hit that spot. He smirked into your neck when he heard you moan a bit louder than usual. His thrusts started to pace up. His fingers digging into your skin, leaving marks as he continued to ruin you. You wrapped your legs around him, wanting him to go deeper. Neither of you talked, the only sounds that filled the room were your moans and the sound of your skin slapping together.

‘’You feel amazing wrapped around me like this.’’ Johnny whispered in your ear. Your walls clenched around him, literally making him growl. You expected him to talk dirty but never thought that it would have a big effect on you.

‘’You like it when I talk dirty to you kitten?’’ you hummed at his question. ‘’Am I taking you good?’’ you hummed again, closing your eyes. You could feel the similar feeling starting to build up in your abdomen. ‘’Do you like the feeling of my cock baby girl? It fills you up so good, doesn’t it?’’

‘’G-Gosh Johnny, I-I’m so close.’’

Johnny brought one of his hands to play with your clit, rubbing it in circular motions, trying to make you reach your climax. You grabbed his face and pulled him into a messy kiss. You bucked your hips to meet Johnny’s thrust, making him hit all of the rights spots inside you. As Johnny played with your clit, you started clench more often, your body signaling that you were close to the edge. His thrusts also became sloppy. Johnny wasn’t going to last any longer.

‘’I-I can’t- Aaaah’’ you moaned as reached your climax, your nails digging on his back, leaving red marks along the way. ‘’Come in me, Johnny.’’ You said in between breaths.

That’s all Johnny needed to let go and release his come in you with muffled groans coming out of his lips, as he hid his face in the crook of your neck. His moans were music to your ear. He kept rocking himself as he rode out his orgasm, not wanting to pull out just yet.

Johnny collapsed on top of you, trying to catch his breath. You could feel how fast his heart was beating since your chests were touching each other. You brushed few strands of his hair from his sweaty forehead, getting a better look at his face while you smiled to yourself.

After relaxing a little, Johnny pulled out of you, making you hiss. You were still to sensitive after your two orgasms that night. You felt empty all of a sudden. Johnny rolled next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you on his chest. You rested your head just under his chin and caressed his bare chest while he placed chaste kisses on your forehead.

‘’I didn’t think that you’d be a cuddler.’’ You said, making him chuckle.

‘’If it’s with you, I’d do anything.’’ He replied. ‘’I don’t think I have enough energy to go to the party.’’

‘’Shit!’’ You jumped from your position, staring at him afterwards. ‘’I totally forgot about that! Jungwoo’s going to be pissed-‘’ Johnny shut you up with a kiss.

‘’Stop talking about Jungwoo or anybody else. It’s just us tonight baby.’’ He said, playing with your hair. ‘’Now, let’s go take a shower.’’ He patted your butt, signaling you to get up.

‘’Can I blow you in the shower?’’

‘’I’m already hard about thinking about it so why not?’’

\---

New Year’s Eve

You sat next to Jungwoo as you ‘listened’ to him talking his relationship with Mina but actually, you were watching Johnny who was just standing there with a bottle of beer in his hand as he talked to Taeyong and Mark. You just couldn’t keep your eyes off of him. It didn’t take him long to catch you in your act, sending a wink at your direction as he took a quick sip from his beer, making you blush.

‘’You’re not listening to me, are you?’’ Jungwoo asked.

‘’I’m not-‘’

‘’Stop fucking your boyfriend with your eyes in front of my salad!! At least I deserve some respect.’’ He said jokingly, hitting your arm.

‘’I’m so fucking in love with him Jungwoo.’’ You said, hiding your red cheeks with your hands. ‘’and he loves me as much as I do but-‘’

‘’There’s always a ‘but’ Y/N, just live in the moment. He’s here, you’re here. Just be happy when you have time.’’

You stayed silent for a while before speaking again.

‘’What will happen after I die, Jung-‘’

‘’Let’s not talk about that, it’s not the right time.’’ He patted your head. ‘’C’mon let’s dance.’’ He said standing up and holding his hand out for you to take it.

You got up, taking his hand and followed him as Johnny kept an eye on you while still talking to his friends.

You were jumping around and having fun with Jungwoo and some other friends until you feel a familiar hand on your waist before it got wrapped around your waist. Johnny pulled your body closer to his chest, resting his chin on top of your head as he swayed back and forth with the music. He still had the beer that he was drinking in his hand as he dipped his head to your neck to leave some marks, receiving soft mewls in return.

‘’Do you know how much I’m in love with you?’’ Johnny whispered in your ear with his husky voice.

You turned around to face him and wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands were on your waist. ‘’Hmm, I think I know but you know that I love you more right?’’

‘’Impossible.’’ He mumbled before leaning in and kissing you.

‘’5…4…3…2…1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!’’ you heard everybody scream after you pulled away from your kiss just for Johnny to catch your lips again.

‘’Happy new year, kitten.’’ He mumbled against your lips, making you smile into the kiss.

\----

January

‘’My chest hurts, Johnny. I don’t I can go to class today…’’ you said over the phone as you lay down on your bed. You didn’t act like yourself after the new years party which was last week. You were always tired. It was hard for you to get up from your bed and do stuff, so you stayed in it the all day.

‘’Do you want to go to the doctors now? I can come and pick you up-‘’

‘’My appointment is tomorrow, you know that and mister, please go to your classes. I don’t want you to skip school anymore because of me.’’

‘’Does it hurt worse than yesterday? How is your pulse? Are you taking your-‘’

‘’It’s more intense than yesterday but I got some painkillers, I hope that they will fix it.’ 

‘’Let me know every 10 minutes okay? Anyways, can I still come in the evening? I want to show you my article.’’

‘’Are you finally going to let me read it? Did you finish it?’’ He hummed in response. ‘’I can’t wait to read it Johnny.’’

‘’It’s a special one because it’s about you.’’

‘’Hmm, I know. You’ve always been so secretive about it.’’

‘’I’m shy because it’s about you. I love you baby.’’ He said with a soft voice, making you smile.

‘’I love you too Johnny. Thanks for letting me love you.’’

‘’It’s an honor to be loved by you. I’ll see you tonight.’’

Johnny didn’t get to see you that night. Those were your last words to Johnny. It was the last time he heard your voice.

Nobody expected your death so early, even the doctors. It was a sudden heart attack. It happened while Johnny was in class. He was looking through some pictures that he took of you when he received a call from your mother. He went out to answer it. She was sobbing and telling him to come to the hospital quickly. He grabbed his bag and ran to his car, driving it so fast. He didn’t care. He just wanted to be next to you and know that you were doing alright, that you were still alive.

When he arrived in front of the ICU unit, he saw your parents and Jungwoo there. Jungwoo was the first one to see Johnny, he stood up and ran to him with red eyes. He pulled his taller friend in a tight hug and started crying on his shoulder.

‘’S-She didn’t m-make it-‘’ Jungwoo said between sobs, making Johnny’s world stop.

Johnny was frozen in spot. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t say anything. It took him a while to come back to his senses, hugging Jungwoo back and patting his back. He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry so badly but he couldn’t. He didn’t feel anything. He just stood there with Jungwoo in his arms, crying over his best friend’s death. Johnny closed his eyes, imagining all of this was a nightmare.

Jungwoo calmed down after a while, sitting back down next to your parents but now with Johnny by his side. Your mother hugged Johnny tightly as your father gave his shoulder a tight squeeze. Johnny was lifeless. He didn’t hear what your father was saying, he was so out of it. He still didn’t believe that you were gone.

‘’Did it hurt?’’ he asked randomly, again sounding lifeless.

‘’She was sleeping when it happened. The doctor said she shouldn’t have felt much pain because of it.’’ Your father replied, wiping his tears away. ‘’You were the last person she talked to.’

Johnny nodded at his response, still not knowing what do say or do. ‘’It wasn’t supposed to happen.’’

‘’Johnny… It was supposed to happen.’’ Your father said. ‘’We were all expecting it.’’

‘’IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!’’ you shouted, getting up from his seat. Jungwoo came by his side, trying to calm him down. ‘’IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN A YEAR?! THEY FUCKING TOLD HER THAT SHE HAD MORE THAN A YEAR THAN TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS GETTING BETTER AND GAVE HER 3 YEARS? BUT WHAT NOW? IT’S ONLY BEEN 10 MONTHS? SHE FUCKING HAD TIME. SHE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO DIE, NOT NOW, NOT LATER ON. SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH ME.’’

Now Johnny was crying. He was sobbing even harder than Jungwoo. He was on the floor, on his knees when your mother and father kneeled down next to him and pulled him in a hug.

‘’You can cry Johnny, it what makes us human.’’ Your mother said, her voice cracking as she caressed his hair. That was how you caressed his hair too. ‘’Do you want to see her?’’ Johnny nodded.

As soon as Johnny entered the room, he wanted to get out but he had to do it, for you. Your face was covered with the blanket until the doctor pulled it off, showing your lifeless body to him but you didn’t look lifeless. You looked in peace like the days Johnny woke up beside you while you were stay sleeping.

‘’I’ll leave you alone.’’ The doctor said before leaving the room.

Johnny sat on the chair next to the bed as he took your lifeless hand in his without thinking twice. It was cold.

‘’I’m sorry I wasn’t there when it happened.’’ He started talking, sniffing also. ‘’I shouldn’t have listened to you and skipped school. I can’t believe that you left me without reading my article but you know that I’m stubborn, that’s why I’m here. I know that you’re watching and listening from up there.’’ He chuckles to himself. He was talking to your dead body, was he going crazy? He shook his head and pulled out his phone. ‘’I’m going to read the article for you now. I hope you like it.’’

And then he started reading it.

Jungwoo didn’t go back to Japan after your death. He broke it off with Mina, telling her that he had to stay back in Seoul. He needed some time for himself to get back on track. His mind was busy with images of the time you spent with him. It wasn’t easy to let your best friend go. Jungwoo decided to stay in Johnny’s home, thinking that it would be better if he wasn’t alone.

Yes, it was hard for Jungwoo but it was even harder for Johnny, especially the day after your death.

First, he denied that you were gone. He checked his phone time to time to see if you had texted him but threw his phone away when he realized what he was doing.

Whenever somebody came over to Johnny and told him that they were sorry about his loss, he got angry, telling them that they would forget about you in two days but he would have to live with an emptiness caused by your death.

He drank more than usual.

He went through the your pictures that he had on his phone.

He didn’t eat.

He didn’t speak that much.

He didn’t sleep.

He didn’t feel alive.

Your parents invited Johnny and Jungwoo over for dinner in your memory. Johnny didn’t want to go at first but he knew he had to go for you.

After eating his dinner silently, he excused himself and went up to your room. He let out a deep sigh before opening the door. The leaned against your door frame as the scent of your perfume filled his senses. He didn’t enter it yet, just stood there and looked around, taking the sight in. Slowly he stepped a foot in and walked over to your desk. He looked at the pictures of you and Jungwoo; you and him… Then he went to your closet and opened it. It made him emotional to see the tshirt you wore when you first met, the jacket you wore when you came to watch them play basketball, the dress you wore the night you had sex for the first time but seeing his sweatshirt in your closet hurt him the most. He picked it up, holding it tightly as he smelled it. It smelled like you now. That was when he lost it.

He sat on the floor, hugging the sweatshirt tightly as he sobbed loudly. ‘’You went away so early.’’ He whispered to himself before Jungwoo came to your room. He sat next to him, seeing that he was holding the sweatshirt as he continued to cry. Seeing his friend cry made him emotional and Jungwoo felt a tear drop on his cheeks. Johnny had been so strong for him the other day, now it was time for him to stay strong for his friend.

‘’You know, Y/N is angry at you right now.’’ Jungwoo said after Johnny calmed down a little. ‘’She wouldn’t have wanted you to cry over her. She knew she was dying Johnny. She wanted to be erased from Earth as natural as possible, like she wasn’t even there in the beginning.’’

Johnny didn’t say anything but continued to stare at the sweatshirt in his hands. 

‘’Let me tell you something Johnny. I was there when Y/N learned that she was going to die. She didn’t cry, I did. She just wanted to get some ice cream. The only thing she wanted in life was to fall in love and you made it happen. She fell in love with you, Johnny and to her luck, you loved her back. Whenever she called me, she told me that you were the best thing that has ever happened to her and you know that she meant it. Yes, you weren’t together for a long time but for her, it was enough because you were with her. YOU! Not me, not Yuta, not Jaehyun. She chose you Johnny. You were the most special person in her life.’’

That made Johnny cry harder than before. This time, Jungwoo started crying too.

‘’She’s probably looking down and laughing at us right now, isn’t she?’’ Johnny said after a while.

‘’Probably she is.’’ Jungwoo chuckles, pulling his friend in a hug.

Your funeral was probably the hardest. Most of his friends came, even Jaehyun was there. Yuta and Jungwoo didn’t leave Johnny’s side for a single second.

‘’Are you sure Johnny?’’ your mother asked. He nodded in response 

‘’She’d always asked me to do it. I’m probably going to cry but there’s no escape.’’ He replied before standing in front of the microphone.

‘’Uh hello? Is this working? Great. Umm, I don’t know how to start or actually where to start. Y/N always asked me if I was going to do a speech in her funeral. Actually, Jungwoo was the original speaker but then the duty passed to me.’’ He saw Jungwoo giving him a thumbs up. ‘’Y/N was my helper, my best friend, my partner in crime and my lover. It hasn’t been a year since I met Y/N actually. I was probably not going to until the editor of the school’s newspaper told me to. My job was to write an article about a dying girl that happened to be attending our school. There was one thing she asked me in return. She wanted me to help her fall in love. Weird right? First there was Jungwoo, the lover boy Y/N was oblivious of then came Yuta, a close friend of mine. Afterwards Jaehyun came by, to be honest I seriously thought that she was going to fall in love with him but he didn’t happen. The last person on the list was… me. A bit unexpected right? I fell in love with Y/N long way before she fell for me. I was drawn in how full of life she was. She knew that she was going to die, she lived every day like it was her last. She didn’t care what people though about her, she wanted to do everything in her way. I didn’t fell for her when I met her. It happened slowly. With every day I spent with her, I learned new things. And as I learned more about her, I found myself thinking about her more and more. I’m proud of myself that I fell in love with her, there wasn’t another person made for just me in this world and I know there won’t be in the future. She’s the one for me. Loving Y/N was the best thing that has ever happened to me and it’s an honor that I got to be loved by her, helping her with the mission.’’ Johnny stopped talking when he felt his vision getting blurry because of the tears in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away to continue talking. ‘’The last think Y/N told me was ‘Thank you for letting me love you.’ And a few hours later, she was gone. She’d always tell us that when she was gone, she’d be watching us from up there. So I have something to say for her if you let me. Y/N, thank you for loving me with all of your heart. It made loving you easier.’’

\---

‘’Doyoung, I’m not going to do it.’’ Johnny said, standing in front of the head editor.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’The article, I don’t want it to be published.’’

‘’Are you fucking kidding me Johnny? Didn’t you work for this all year?’ 

‘’It hasn’t been a year yet…’’ he mumbled, getting annoyed at Doyoung.

‘’Johnny, I don’t understand. Didn’t you want to publish a big story for your senior year? Isn’t Y/N your big story?’’

He shrugged at hearing your name. He still wasn’t accepting the fact that you were gone.

‘’It has became something more personal. I have some other ideas what to do with it.’’

\----

5 years later, July

‘’Mr. Seo you’ve became a New York Times Bestseller at the age of 28. You like to keep your life private but there’s a question that everybody wants to know about the book. Can you please explain what the title means for you? Like everybody who read the book understands it’s about the lead character’s love life but a lot of your readers were confused.’’ a reporter asked.

Johnny sighed before getting up from his seat on the stage and started roaming around.

‘’The story in the book has actually happened. It is not fiction. It’s actually my story. I’ve never talked about this before. The lead character Youngho is me while the female character is a very special person in my life. After her death, I wasn’t able to love again. I knew I wouldn’t be able to when she was alive too. She left this huge hole in my heart that nobody could fill it except for her. There won’t be another Y/N. That’s why I decided to name my book ‘My First and Last’. She’s my first love and she’ll be the last.’’

\---

‘’Johnny, I want to stay in your arms for the rest of my life.’’

‘’You’re lucky, I want to hold you in my arms for the rest of my life.’’

‘’Nobody loves me like you do Johnny.’’

‘’And nobody will love me like you do, my love.’’


End file.
